Film review: Gods of Egypt – God awful!

Those of you who keep up to date with the goings on in the film world may be thinking Gods of Egypt was released way back in February; and you’d be right for thinking that.

The film, directed by Alex Proyas (I, Robot, Knowing) performed so poorly in America at the start of the year that its UK release was scrapped, until now. But is the resulting film as bad as its figures would suggest? Or are we looking at a future cult classic?

Good god no. From shocking dialogue to laughable special effects; Gods of Egypt is a dreadful dirge of a movie with practically no saving graces. It’s just that bad.

The survival of mankind hangs in the balance when Set (Gerard Butler), the merciless god of darkness, usurps Egypt’s throne and plunges the empire into chaos. Hoping to save the world and rescue his true love, a defiant mortal named Bek (Brenton Thwaites) forms an alliance with the powerful god Horus (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) to stop Set before he destroys everything.

Thankfully, the plot itself isn’t too bad and has a vaguely interesting premise. The problem is how it is executed. Alex Proyas takes our protagonists on a rollercoaster ride of bland set pieces, populated by cardboard enemies and special effects that manage to look expensive and awful at the same time.

Gold, blood red, sparkling granite and deep, rich blacks all combine for a nauseating colour palate, only worsened by the cinematography. No shot is lingered on for any great amount of time – it’s like Alex Proyas was too terrified of allowing his audience to see the mess up close, shifting from frame to frame every few seconds.

Elsewhere, the acting is fairly inconsistent. Gerard Butler yet again channels his character from 300, while newcomer Brenton Thwaites looks po-faced as he spouts complete and utter drivel, a departure from his promising turn in 2013’s The Giver. The painful attempts at comedy fall flat on every single occasion and ensure no cast member leaves with their dignity intact.

2016 has thrown up some pretty bad films. London Has Fallen, Through the Looking Glass and Zoolander 2 spring immediately to mind, but this manages to outdo them by a country mile.

Overall, Gods of Egypt leaves you with more questions than it answers. Why is the Egyptian god of darkness Scottish? Why is it over two hours long? What on earth was Summit Entertainment thinking pouring $140million into this thing?

There is some good news at the end of this rather murky rainbow however. Your question as to whether you should go and see it may well be the only question that can be answered. It’s a resounding no from me.

Gods of Egypt rating: 2/10